Global Missiology English, Vol 4, No 14 (2017)

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-        If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, theyd eventually find me attractive.

-        I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

-        I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."

-        I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

-        If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

-        Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?

-        I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

-        I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.

-        Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.

-        A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

-        There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

-        Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

-        He who laughs last thinks slowest.

-        Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

-        Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

-        The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it.

-        I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

-        If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

-        If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

-        Money is the root of all wealth.

-        No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.